260 Funny WhatsApp Statuses & Quotes In English For You

These funny WhatsApp statuses will make you, your friends, and your family smile.

When it comes to talking to nearly anyone on this planet, the latest technology users have plenty of options to use but with so many options out there, people have made WhatsApp their top choice. Whatsapp is most people’s favorite app when it comes to calling, texting, or facetime. It even has a new feature of payment where you can simply send someone money through WhatsApp.

In the last few years, WhatsApp has built a huge user community mainly because of its simple user interface that anyone can learn to use in just a matter of time. One of the other reasons, WhatsApp has become the top choice is because it allows users voice, face, and text communication totally free just the internet.

Funny Whatsapp Status Images In English

WhatsApp is totally an add-free app that does not fill up your phone with irrelevant ads, bog your phone down with games or put anything in front of you which is not relevant to the user.

Most of the people who are really active on WhatsApp use it to its full potential including putting videos and texts as their status. updating your status on WhatsApp is a simple way to express what you are feeling right now and as WhatsApp is not a public platform so only the people who are close to you will be able to see your status.

A status is a great way to attract someone’s attention or a way to start a conversation. As everyone is already struggling with their day-to-day, we all need little things to laugh at or just to put a smile on our faces and these funny WhatsApp statuses will make the people in your contact list smile.

So here we are sharing a collection of funny WhatsApp statuses, quotes, and messages in English for you and your friends to share, enjoy and laugh at.

Funny Whatsapp Statuses

Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed. 😎

Where there is a will, there are 100

It’s better to fail than to cheat but it’s better to cheat than to repeat.

 The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

I should have come with a manual. I confuse myself.

For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember that’s where the knives are kept.

Life is too short. Don’t waste it removing the pen drive safely.

Do you know the meaning of ABCDEF? A boy can do everything for Girl. Reverse the meaning of, GFEDCBA … Girl forgets everything done & Catches new boy Again.

There are a lot of fish in the sea, but I think there’s a hole in my net.

Want to learn how to dance? Have a cold shower today at midnight, I bet, You’ll rock like SHAKIRA.
Wakka Wakka 😛

Funny Whatsapp Statuses In English

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

I need 6 months’ vacation, twice a year.

I am not stubborn, I am just always right.

Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.

C.L.A.S.S – Come Late And Start Sleeping.

Young love is two hearts with only one thing in mind.

I’ll be a billionaire once I’m done inventing this device that lets you punch people in the face over the Internet.

If you stop telling lies about me, I’ll stop telling the truth about you.

New Funny Whatsapp Statuses

The hardest job facing kids today is to learn good manners without seeing any.

Remember, when she cancels a date she has to But when he cancels a date he has TWO.

A man asks a trainer in the gym: I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use? Trainer replies: Use the AT

If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, take your parents as an example.

Take my advice — I’m not using it.

I’m really good at stuff until people watch me do that stuff.

My job is secure. No one else wants it.

For maximum attention, nothing beats a good mistake.

Whatever you do always give 100 %. Unless you are donating blood.

Unique Funny Whatsapp Statuses

My wife told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy… so I got drunk.

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

My wallet is like onion, opening it makes me cry.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayers in schools.

When everything’s coming your way, you are in the wrong lane.

I can handle pain until it hurts.

Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.

If money grew on trees – girls wouldn’t mind dating monkeys.

Why is an abbreviation such a long word?

Funny Whatsapp Statuses Lines

When I’m on my deathbed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…

Love is 1 drink and 2 Marriage is “Don’t you think you’ve had enough!”

Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

Even fools seem smart when they are quiet

“It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

If I ever need a heart transplant, I’d want my ex’s. It’s never been used.

Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them

I love my job only when I am on vacation

Funny Whatsapp Statuses Quotes

Don’t Live Your Life on Assumptions!! They are Best kept for Physics and Maths!!

If I’d shot you sooner, I’d be out of jail by now.

Excuse me is your last name Gillette? …because you are the best a man can get!

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.

While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.

How can I miss something I never had?

I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at school.

Best Funny Whatsapp Statuses

Kiss me and you will see how important I am.

If you can’t find the key to success, change the damn lock.

Everything I like is either Illegal, Immoral, Fattening, Addictive, Expensive, or Impossible.

Teacher: Who can explain gender discrimination with an example? Student: Women can sleep with whoever they want, men have to sleep with whoever lets them.

Lovely days in my life: Childhood Days, School Days & college Days, Horrible days in my life: ONLY EXAM DAYS.

The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. That’s why girls wear makeup and boys lie.

If couples who are in love are called LOVE BIRDS, then couples who always argue should be called ANGRY BIRDS.

Most mothers feed their babies with little spoons and forks. What do Chinese mothers use? Toothpick?

Sorry, I can’t hang out. My uncle’s cousin’s sister-in-law’s best friend’s insurance agent’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Maybe next time.

Funny Whatsapp Statuses For Friends

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.

Any room is a panic room if you’ve lost your phone in it.

Women only need 5 inches to achieve maximum pleasure, it’s called a credit card.

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

It must be difficult to post inspirational status when your blood type is B Negative.

The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*

You and your rumors have two things in common, you’re both fake and you both get around.

If life gives you lemons, squirt them in your enemy’s eye.

I’m the person that the more you complain about me, the harder I’ll try to annoy you.

Funny Whatsapp Statuses For Family

Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.

If swimming is an exercise then why do whales are fat.

“Always be true to yourself” because you only lie to others!

You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.

The awkward moment when you know you shouldn`t laugh, but you do.

Money doesn`t bring happiness, but shopping does.

Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?

The question I have not been able to answer is “What… does a woman want?”

Funny Whatsapp Status For Someone You Like

Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu, And then look at neighboring table n wish you”d ordered that.

If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.

Some wise guy created Whatsapp…..and his wife added last seen feature.

I feel like I should clean the house, so I am going to lay down and nap until that feeling passes.

People are making end of the world jokes. Like there is no tomorrow.

People who write “u” instead of “you”. What do you do with all the time you save?

Everything on this earth is self-centered, the difference is the radius.

The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!

I only drink on two occasions: when it’s my birthday and when it’s not.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Funny Whatsapp Status To Impress Someone

Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?

I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.

If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot.

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a brighter day.

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.

You never know what you have until you clean your room.

With great power comes great electricity bill.

A jealous woman does better research than FBI.

People say you cannot live without love, I think oxygen is more important.

Life is not a fairytale, if you miss your shoe at night, you are drunk.

Funny Whatsapp Status To Make Someone Laugh

Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.

If only closed minds came with closed mouths.

My ex had one very annoying habit. Breathing.

Why’s NASA never sent a woman to the Moon? Because it doesn’t need cleaning yet.

Whoever says “Good Morning” on Monday’s deserves to get slapped.

Women love shoes because no matter how much & whatever they eat, the shoe always fits.

Marriage is like a workshop. Husband works and my wife shops.

Status Unavailable, please try and reload again.

Phones are better than GF, At least we can switch it off.

I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.

Funny Quotes For Whatsapp Status

Am gonna Make my Status………….better you too Focus on your Status only.

when nothing seems right then go left.

Hey there! I am not using WhatsApp.

Me and my wife lived happily for 25 years… And then we met…!

Too busy to update a status.

You don’t have to like me….I am not a Facebook status.

Jidhar apna CRUSH hai, udhar hich sala RUSH hai and filhaal timepass k liye only CANDYCRUSH hai.

People with status don’t need status.

Sometimes I just wish I’ could fast forward the time to see if, in the end, it’s all worth it.

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

Funny Jokes For Whatsapp Status

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

Easiest way to feel smart is sharing smart quotes.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

If school has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking.

I hate people who steal my ideas before I think of them.

All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.

Try to say the letter M without your lips touching.

I used to like my neighbors until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

Admit it, you listen to other strangers conversations and mentally give your opinion.

Dear Google, thank you for doing most of my homework for me.

Funny Love Whatsapp Status

Girls work on their looks but not their minds because they know boys are stupid, not blind.

I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something.

God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China.

For all the girls that say ….. All guys are the same …… Who told you to try them ALL.

I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday.

If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.

Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.

Definition of a human being: a creature that cuts trees, makes paper & write “SAVE TREES” on the same paper.- say no to exams.

We also read these funny pages in leisure time.

Thanks to Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you Guys.

Interesting Funny Whatsapp Status

I don’t believe that love comes to those who wait. Today love comes to those who flirt. LOLz.

Dear Food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Sometimes it hurts physically to hold in my sarcastic comments.

Everyone atleast needs one friendship..based on sarcasm and flirt.

If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.

People like you are the reason, people like me need meditation.

I tried my best to see things from your point of view, but your point of view is stupid.

You bring out the best insults in me.

You are offended by the things I say? Imagine the things I hold back!

Words cannot express how much I don’t care

Crazy Funny Whatsapp Status

I am not single. I am in a long-term relationship with fun and freedom.

Don’t make me mess your world up with the truth.

I don’t like morning people..or morning.. or people!

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.

I am so poor, I can’t even pay attention

The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

If you’re born in the month of September, it is pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

Old fart, young heart.

Life is not a fairy tale, If you lose a shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Funny Whatsapp Status Description

Females are really funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthdays.

I wonder how on my birthday I get presents and money. I get paid for being born. It is like being Kim Kardashian for a day.

I’m not 30, I’m 17 with 13 years of experience!

How to kill all your enemies? SMILE. 😀

Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.

I was gonna make you a rum cake but now I am drunk this is just a cake.

Enjoy your day, you’re not extinct yet!

ETC – End of Thinking Capacity.

I Graduated from the University of Selfies!

My study period = 15 My break time = 3 hours.

Funny Things To Put On Your Whatsapp Status

I Think The Woman Who Invented The Phrase “All Men Are The Same” Was A Chinese Woman Who Lost Her Husband In The Crowd.

If You`Re Texting Two People At The Same Time, You Are Bi-textual.

I desperately need a fixed income – Mine is broken.

No, there can’t be a crisis today. The boss is on leave.

My fate line shows a long road with a lot of traffic jams!

I drink to forget I drink.

Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.

I have not failed, my success is just postponed for some time.

One person’s LOL is another person’s WTF.

I will be back before you pronounce afjkhnfknlfueufuancakhufhjcnk.

Very Funny Whatsapp Status

Knowledge is like underwear, important to have, but not necessary to show off.

Life is too short to update WhatsApp statuses

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe, one day, you’ll find a brain back there

I don’t make mistakes. I date them.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.

I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Isn’t it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

Funny Whatsapp Status Message

If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Never laugh at your girlfriend’s choices… you are one of them.

When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them all to come running.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m a 15

A day without sunshine is like, night.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

Death is hereditary.

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.

Most Hilarious Funny Whatsapp Status

Money can’t buy happiness, but it pays for the internet, which is pretty much the same thing.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

I’m not avoiding work. I’m just on battery saver mode.

I love that our effortless friendship matches my inability to answer messages on time.

When I was a boy, I laid in my twin sized bed and wondered where my brother was.

Zombies are looking for brains. Don’t worry, you’re safe.

Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.

My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.

Funny Whatsapp Status Images

I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is… Scaring men is easy.

I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.

If people are talking behind your back,  that’s a good time to fart.

Don’t worry about what I’m doing, worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.

Dyslexics are people’s poo.

Funny Whatsapp Status Quotes Images

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Someday you’ll go far, and I hope you stay there.

My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

“Employee of the Month” is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

Hey, I’ll be back in five minutes. If I’m not, just read this message again.

I’ve been diagnosed with “awesomeness.” You might want to get checked, but I doubt you caught it.

I would call my fashion style “clothes that still fit.”

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.

You smell like hidden motives, get away from me.

Funny Short Whatsapp Status

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

Did you hear that joke that doesn’t offend anyone?  Neither did I.

You’re so lucky that I’m terrified of prison.

My girlfriend keeps stealing my sweatshirts, and I keep replacing them.  We now have 450 sweatshirts, and they’re all in her closet.

Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

Of course I talk to myself! Sometimes I need expert advice.

Be nice to nerds, they will be your boss one day.

Make your weird light shine bright, so the other weirdos know where to find you.

I’m so tired, my tired is tired.

I’m on a whiskey diet…I’ve lost three days already.

Funny Quotes And Statuses For Whatsapp

I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job on the road crew, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

The police called to say one of my friends escaped from a mental hospital. Which one of you crazies got out and where should I pick you up?

It’s not that I don’t want to go to work.  I’m just allergic to crushing defeat.

Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ship’s kitchen.

Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I’m a mile away and I have his shoes.

Sometimes you just have to throw on a crown and remind them who they’re dealing with.

I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.

Did you like these funny WhatsApp statuses?

The latest technology has simply made the world easier. From sending letters and waiting for weeks for a reply to sending a text and getting a reply within a few seconds, we have come quite far. Whether you are just trying to keep in touch with someone across the street or some neo who is across the country, Whatsapp has become the go-to app for anyone who wants to have a conversation.

With so many negative thoughts out there, be the reason for someone to smile by updating a funny WhatsApp status. We hope you will share these funny statuses for WhatsApp with your friends and family and become their reason to smile.

Do share your thoughts with us in the comment section and tell us which one was your favorite from all of the Funny WhatsApp Status or if you want to ask any questions or have any queries send them via Contact Us

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